Saturday, March 11, 2006

 

A Fucking Good Old Time: Die Eule near Duesseldorf.

Review By ThisReporter

Die Eule („The Owl“) has been one of the first real swing clubs in Germany. Tucked away in the woods behind the A3 Autobahn in Hösel near Düsseldorf, Die Eule has been the center of “Lust und Leidenschaft” since the early eighties. And it's still one of the few remaining all couples establishments.

Alarming sign of the bad new times: Die Eule advertises itself now as "the only all couples club in the postal code 4 area."

In its heydays, 200 to 300 couples copulated on the two floors of this sprawling complex, and their huge parking lot overflowed with exotic cars with license plates from all around of Germany and neighboring countries.

These days, one usually finds parking quite easily right in front of the entrance. And instead of a Lamborghini, one can find the occasional wheelchair parked outside.

When I revisited die Eule with my Japanese Other, it had a similar effect as visiting Ikea in Beijing a few months ago: A massive attack of deja-vu set in. Except that I HAD been in Die Eule many times before. It was as if the times had stood still: The proprietress, still the same, the furniture (early eighties rustic restaurant style) still the same, even the music (a mixture of Chris De Burgh, Lou Reed and Bananarama) was unchanged since the owl’s opening days.

This year, Die Eule celebrates its 22nd anniversary, and Hubertus, the blazingly gay barkeeper, looks like he’s been there even longer. The price of entry is the same as in the olden days, except that it’s now 100 Euro for the couple instead of the 100 Deutschmarks way back when. Even most of the guests are the same as when Die Eule opened in 1984.

If you are looking for lithe little bodies with pert breasts, you are definitely in the wrong place at Die Eule. But if you are lusting for a zaftig German hausfrau with ample breasts and matching bottoms, if your desires are on the side of a little ageplay with tendencies towards necrophilia, or if you fancy fucking with Grandpa and Grandma watching you, then Die Eule is the place for you. We fucked surrounded by glistening, sweating and panting bodies, none this side on 200 kilos or 55 years. My wife, a denizen of Tokyo, opined that it felt like having sex during a Sumo wrestling match, except that half of the wrestlers were female.

A visit to Die Eule can be living testimony to how Viagra has changed the lifestyles of our older generations: Some couples can be well into their sixties, some of them even older. These days, excitement is often added by the blaring sirens of the Notaztwagen, the EMS ambulance, that careens down the narrow winding street to collect a heart attack victim from the orgy-rooms of the venerable establishment. If a coronary during coitus is your idea of a great way to go , the Die Eule is your place to do it.

After arriving at Die Eule and paying your entry fee (which covers all eat and drink for the night for two) you shed most of your garments into a locker. Stripped down to your underwear (even that can be eighties vintage) one enters a huge bar area, drinks are free.

Take inventory of the couples at the counter, you will see them soon, up close and intimate. Behind the bar is a sumptuous buffet, hot and cold, prepared by a displaced Tamil who has duty in the stainless steel kitchen.

As you step further into the realm of Die Eule, you will see a huge shower room, a massage room, a dungeon with X cross and jail, two sauna rooms and a large heated indoor swimming pool with water that hopefully is not eighties vintage.

There is a small bar that, when open, is reserved for completely in-the-buff patrons. There are also some smaller playrooms for guests who are too frail or too shy to climb the large circular staircase that leads to the upstairs tract of orgy rooms.

There are many of them. The main orgy rooms has a circular bed that sleeps 5 or 6 (in a pinch 15 or 16) couples. Various large orgy areas are to the right, left and above.

There is a smaller “Asian” room, and assorted other rooms for horizontal (or standing up) activities. In Summer, Die Eule is famous for its open air barbecues with lots of fresh air fornication.

Die Eule is open Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Saturdays are usually most active. It’s better to come at the beginning of the month instead of towards the end. Like in most Western countries, Germany’s Social Security system is in trouble. Many patrons of Die Eule have a pension check as their steady income, and the fucking money is tight near the end of the month.

Die Eule had been repeatedly pronounced dead or near dead, but rumors of its demise have so far proven premature. But if you are planning on a visit to the place, we recommend to do it sooner than later. Because the Notarztwagen is proof that nothing will last forever.

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