Saturday, March 11, 2006
A Fucking Good Old Time: Die Eule near Duesseldorf.
Die Eule („The Owl“) has been one of the first real swing clubs in Germany. Tucked away in the woods behind the A3 Autobahn in Hösel near Düsseldorf, Die Eule has been the center of “Lust und Leidenschaft” since the early eighties. And it's still one of the few remaining all couples establishments.
Alarming sign of the bad new times: Die Eule advertises itself now as "the only all couples club in the postal code 4 area."
In its heydays, 200 to 300 couples copulated on the two floors of this sprawling complex, and their huge parking lot overflowed with exotic cars with license plates from all around of Germany and neighboring countries.
These days, one usually finds parking quite easily right in front of the entrance. And instead of a Lamborghini, one can find the occasional wheelchair parked outside.
When I revisited die Eule with my Japanese Other, it had a similar effect as visiting Ikea in Beijing a few months ago: A massive attack of deja-vu set in. Except that I HAD been in Die Eule many times before. It was as if the times had stood still: The proprietress, still the same, the furniture (early eighties rustic restaurant style) still the same, even the music (a mixture of Chris De Burgh, Lou Reed and Bananarama) was unchanged since the owl’s opening days.
This year, Die Eule celebrates its 22nd anniversary, and Hubertus, the blazingly gay barkeeper, looks like he’s been there even longer. The price of entry is the same as in the olden days, except that it’s now 100 Euro for the couple instead of the 100 Deutschmarks way back when. Even most of the guests are the same as when Die Eule opened in 1984.
If you are looking for lithe little bodies with pert breasts, you are definitely in the wrong place at Die Eule. But if you are lusting for a zaftig German hausfrau with ample breasts and matching bottoms, if your desires are on the side of a little ageplay with tendencies towards necrophilia, or if you fancy fucking with Grandpa and Grandma watching you, then Die Eule is the place for you. We fucked surrounded by glistening, sweating and panting bodies, none this side on 200 kilos or 55 years. My wife, a denizen of Tokyo, opined that it felt like having sex during a Sumo wrestling match, except that half of the wrestlers were female.
A visit to Die Eule can be living testimony to how Viagra has changed the lifestyles of our older generations: Some couples can be well into their sixties, some of them even older. These days, excitement is often added by the blaring sirens of the Notaztwagen, the EMS ambulance, that careens down the narrow winding street to collect a heart attack victim from the orgy-rooms of the venerable establishment. If a coronary during coitus is your idea of a great way to go , the Die Eule is your place to do it.
After arriving at Die Eule and paying your entry fee (which covers all eat and drink for the night for two) you shed most of your garments into a locker. Stripped down to your underwear (even that can be eighties vintage) one enters a huge bar area, drinks are free.
Take inventory of the couples at the counter, you will see them soon, up close and intimate. Behind the bar is a sumptuous buffet, hot and cold, prepared by a displaced Tamil who has duty in the stainless steel kitchen.
As you step further into the realm of Die Eule, you will see a huge shower room, a massage room, a dungeon with X cross and jail, two sauna rooms and a large heated indoor swimming pool with water that hopefully is not eighties vintage.
There is a small bar that, when open, is reserved for completely in-the-buff patrons. There are also some smaller playrooms for guests who are too frail or too shy to climb the large circular staircase that leads to the upstairs tract of orgy rooms.
There are many of them. The main orgy rooms has a circular bed that sleeps 5 or 6 (in a pinch 15 or 16) couples. Various large orgy areas are to the right, left and above.
There is a smaller “Asian” room, and assorted other rooms for horizontal (or standing up) activities. In Summer, Die Eule is famous for its open air barbecues with lots of fresh air fornication.
Die Eule is open Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Saturdays are usually most active. It’s better to come at the beginning of the month instead of towards the end. Like in most Western countries, Germany’s Social Security system is in trouble. Many patrons of Die Eule have a pension check as their steady income, and the fucking money is tight near the end of the month.
Die Eule had been repeatedly pronounced dead or near dead, but rumors of its demise have so far proven premature. But if you are planning on a visit to the place, we recommend to do it sooner than later. Because the Notarztwagen is proof that nothing will last forever.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Review By ThisReporter
Long relegated to backwater status during the times of the wall, the German capital is quickly regaining the title “capital of kink.” Berlin’s gain definitely is Hamburg’s loss. Hamburg, long time regarded as the city of sin, is now happy to know that Berlin is just a 1 ½ hour fast train ride away. Many a couple we had met the night before at one of the Berlin clubs was met again on a lazy Sunday afternoon on the platform of Bahnhof Zoo, catching the train back to Hamburg.
Berlin has an openly gay Major, Klaus Wowereit, who raised the collective eyebrows of the diplomatic corps of Germany’s capital when he attended embassy parties with his significant other, Klaus Kubicki. These days, everybody is used to Berlin’s First Couple.
Knowing that sex sells, Berlin openly flaunts its image of “live and let live.” Only in Berlin will you find a “For Adults” section in the city’s official tourism website . The site lists such tourist attractions as an exclusive escort service, table dance bars, stores for rubber fetishist, and a book store specializing in fine erotica.
Gridskipper.com, “The Urban Travel Guide,” awarded Berlin the title “World’s most fetish-friendly city,” and they say it’s deeply rooted in Berlin’s history.
Says Gridskipper: “Before World War II, Berlin had a reputation as a libertine capital of sexual licentiousness, meaning of course that people were really into all kinds of sex, straight, gay, fetish, and otherwise. Due to the liberal influence of one Magnus Hirschfeld and his Institute of Sexual Science, sexaholicks of all stripes enjoyed themselves and each other with relative freedom. Despite oppression during the war and for years afterward, Berlin reawakened and, particularly since reunification in 1990, has reclaimed its fetish-forward title. There are more fetish clubs, groups, parties, and dungeons in Berlin than the most dominant of dommes could ever hope to subjugate.”
To make it short, the symbol of Berlin is the bear, and “bear” can also be “pussy” in the German vernacular.
Getting back into the swing, there are many good places where you can find a couple in Berlin: We focus on the better ones.
To the Manor born. Schloss Milkersdorf.
Schloss Milkersdorf is halfway between Berlin and Dresden, about an hour with a fast car from each city on the A13 Autobahn. Milkersdorf is near Cottbus.
The jury is out on whether Schloss Milkersdorf is really a bona-fide castle, as the “Schloss” suggests. Or whether it is simply a fine and elegant manor. The Germans can be quite picky when it comes to these things.
One of the Schloss’s prior owners, the Prussian Hauptmann Johann Alexander von Normann, was known for his hard drinking and his penchant for multiple females, a tradition that is now observed again within the castle’s ancient walls.
The castle is open on Saturdays only. Before you make the journey, an on-line registration is required. Only couples may apply.
You should also dress for the occasion. The little black number for the lady, and something off the racks of Armani or Zegna for the gentleman would be quite appropriate.
Your first visit will set you back 115 Euros. Then you will be handed a membership card, and subsequent visits will be 95 Euros. In both cases per couple, and that will be all for the night, as all food, drinks and other sundries are covered.
The vaulted cellars of the castle now host an elaborate wellness center with sauna, whirlpool and showers capacious enough to clean an army. The first floor is home of a bar, a library, and a restaurant.
The second floor is where the action is. Several suites, a dark suite, a French Suite, and a “Nude Suite.” Assorted other rooms offer ample opportunities for horizontal action.
The protocol of getting into the action is not unlike most other couples only clubs in Germany: You go to the room, you lie down, and soon there will be another couple next to you and the fun may begin. Contact is made by touching the member of the other sex, and unless your hand is moved away, more intensive touching will follow.
For some odd reason, communication between couples in a German club will in most cases be limited to wild fornication. Other more traditional forms of socializing are rare. After the act(s) couples retreat back to the bar, and usually no words are exchanged with other couples. Strange, but usually true.
Apart from getting in touch with the other sex, woman-to-woman contact is accepted and sometimes encouraged. A gay Berlin major notwithstanding, male-to-male contact however is frowned upon in a German couples club.
My Nipponese other and I had a great time at the Schloss. We’ll be back many times.
Deep Dark Desires: Darkside.
If your quest for likeminded playmates is focused on upscale fetish, then there is no better place than Darkside. Darkside is located in Kreuzberg, a recently turned trendy former blue collar district of Berlin.
Finding the Darkside is a bit of a “if you have to ask” kinda affair. You tell the cabdriver to go down to the very end of Nostitz Str, where it hits Arndt Str. In front of the “Haifisch Bar,” you exit the taxi and make a right towards a huge gate.
At the gate, you will find a brass plate with the name “ Dark Side Club,” a bell button and the inscription “Bitte läuten” (please ring.) Don’t! If you push that button, you will out yourself as a newbie, and you will attract extra serious scrutiny of the dungeon master.
Simply walk through the gate (it’s open,) cross the courtyard to the far left, stop at the door, now ring that bell. If you are a couple and appropriately dressed, you will be admitted. If you are single, you must be extremely appropriately dressed to gain entry.
What is the appropriate get-up to get in? It’s easy, says Juergen Dietzel, owner of “Schwarze Mode” and THE Berlin authority in questions of kinky fashion: “If you are a Dom, all you have to wear is the suit you used at the last funeral.”
As you slide to the other side of the D/s scale, the less you wear, the better.
Don’t wear a spiky collar and whip, as you will be sending mixed fashion signals. On Fridays however, those mixed signals are common, because on Fridays Berlin’s vibrant Goth community often descends on the Darkside.
Sneakers are cause for being banned from the Darkside. Dressed in black jeans and black T-shirt, you’ll be pushing your luck, unless it is a credible Johnny Cash imitation.
Speaking of which: As a couple, 25 Euro will admit you to the Darkside. Same for a single guy (if admitted.) Single ladies pay only EUR 8, and we haven’t heard complaints of discrimination. The drinks inside are obscenely cheap. As a couple, a good night can be had for EUR 20 and some change in return.
The prices are in stark contrast with the rest of the club, which is amongst the finest fetish clubs of the universe. My Nipponese other and me haven’t seen a better one, and especially she has seen them all.
At the Darkside, you will find some of the best dressed (or undressed) kinky couples. There is a double bed (covered with black latex) right next to the dance floor. In the back of the Darkside are a number of other rooms with beds, and various implements of the BDSM scene. If your slave has misbehaved, you can lock her or him into a jail in the back, of which there are several.
We know of several kinky couples who make a monthly pilgrimage to Berlin, just to spend Friday and Saturday night at the Darkside, with maybe a side trip to KitKat or Insomnia. All of them are definitely worth the trip, but the Darkside is worth a journey.
Note at 07/24/06: Kinky Konnoisseurs all over the globe are saddened by the news that Darkside has changed owners and is currently closed for renovation.
Note at 09/12/06: Darkside is still closed. The Berlin scene is abuzz with news that "DS" has been bought by a rich lawyer who is completely redoing the place. According to their website, the new DS wil re-open in November, but local experts think a start in the new year will be more realistic. In the meantime, other Berlin clubs, such as Gargoyle, White Club, Second Face and Insomnia are jockeying for the DS crowd.
Note at 1/8/2007: New Darkside is open! We are on our way to Berlin to check them out!
Update 1/17/06: We visited the New Darkside this weekend. We most likely will not come back.
We came equipped: three of the most libertine and depraved couples of
Having sex at the New Darkside is most attractive for foot fetishists: Gone are the days where there was a double bed right next to the dance floor, gone are all couches, and most coupling must be done while standing up.
Several times, our activities were interrupted by a grumpy female attendant with stringy blonde hair who impressed the house rules on us, of which there are many. Pick up your condom wrappers from the floor is one of the more benign rules. New Darkside now sports many signs ordering you what to do and what to refrain from. All in all, the new Darkside exudes the kinky charm of public fornication at the Strassenverkehrsamt, the German equivalent of the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Woe is you if you lose your chip card, because it is used to tally your alcoholic expenditures. And you also are not to lose, under no circumstances whatsoever, the free non-alcohlic drink voucher, which is handed to you on entry, and which is then collected on exit. Rumors that Kafka is one of the new owners of New Darkside are probably not true. Maybe they are.
Come here, Kittie, Kittie: Pussy galore at the Kit Kat Klub.
Bob Fosse’s “Cabaret” was set in Berlin’s Roaring Twenties at a burlesque theater called the “Kit Kat Club.” Today’s KitKat Club is even more of a Berlin icon.
They call it the hothouse of Berlin, and true to its name, “Kittie,” as the club is called by its many friends, has spawned a whole series of clubs. The Darkside above is the product of one of such gene-splicings. After more than 10 years of existence, Kittie is in its third location, in an old factory building near the old Tempelhof airport. This year, another move is in the plans, to a yet undisclosed location.
KitKat is the brainchild of Austrian porn producer Simon Thaur and his wife Kirsten Krüger. Kirsten often works as their own bouncer at the gate to the KitKat, where she enforces a strict dresscode.
Unlike in other clubs, where inadequately dressed patrons are simply sent away, their egos deflated, Kirsten has her own style of enforcement.
A couple appears, she sufficiently dressed to gain entry, he adorned in male slob garb. “Can’t come in like that,” sez Kirsten. Couple makes a face, turns. “Wait a sec,” sez Kirsten, motions at the guy’s jacket: “Take that off. Shirt also.” Guy loses his shirt. Kirsten eyeballs him, still not satisfied.
“Take it all off,” says Kirsten. And she admits a couple, she dressed to the nines, him all in the nude.
As Wikipedia puts it, “The KitKatclub stands for an avantgarde idea of clubbing where all the social boundaries are falling, it's not a straight club, it's not a gay club, you meet rich and poor people, young and old, ugly and beautiful, it's not about sexual orientation but only about freedom and hedonism.”
Swinging couples usually hook up at the right hand side of the large dance floor, where there are some beds. Contact is made in sign language only, as the decibels served by KitKat’s resident DJs prohibits most verbal communication. One exchanges phone numbers, or retires to the back of the KitKat, or simply leaves together. Or one fucks in the middle of the dance floor.
To quote Wikipedia: “What makes the KitKatclub so special is that the guests are allowed to have sex all over the venue without having to justify themselves.”
Kitty (and the many clubs it has spawned) definitely have enhanced Berlin as a must-go destination for every traveller and swinger. That favor hasn't always been returned by the city. While Berlin was under a conservative regime, the club had been harrassed by the police. The club was even charged with "invitation to public intercourse," a crime that had been on the books since the dark ages of pre-WW II Berlin.
Upscale & horny: Insomnia.
Insomnia is the product of another Berlin cell division, KitKat style.
Dominique, a tall, blonde, stacked, and famous Berlin Dominatrix, became notorious for her Insomnia events at the KitKat club. The events were billed as “performances with a clear erotic statement. Artists of the erotic lifestyle scene present their collections in the decoration of the parties and the fluffy chill-zones not only invite you to linger.“
After years as a club attraction, Dominique started her own club, which just recently opened. The location at Alt Tempelhof has a long history. It used to be a grand ballroom, later a movie theater, it housed the famous Berlin Disco “Cartoon,” it stood empty for a while, and now it has re-awoken to long and sleepless nights.
The centerpiece of the club is a bar, a dance floor, and a giant bed that must sleep a couple of hundred. There is a whirlpool, a massage room, several fuck chairs. Up the stairs is a large mezzanine, again with beds for hundreds.
If she doesn’t give interviews in front of cameras, or fawns over celebrities (usually smallish men with an entourage of tall blonde women,) Dominique dominates the bar dressed in a large black number with a lot of fur on her back. A visit at Insomnia is swinging in high style. If you wonder how the party at new York’s Studio 54 was, go to Insomnia. We were at both, and Insomnia is better.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Next up: Europe
After a short hiatus from blogging, Thisreporter and his Nihongous Other will target Swinging Europe. A lot of the basic research has already been done. Expect details in a month or so.
This is our to-do list:
Depending on who you believe, Germany has anywhere between 60 and 200 Swing Clubs. The pure couples only clubs appear to be on the decline. Not surprising, because singles are the demographic segment with the strongest growth in Deutschland. Which is one of the few things that is actually growing here.
Our research will focus on one of the oldest swing clubs in Germany, which, horrible trend, already brands itself as “the only pure couples club in the postal code area 4.”
We will visit a funky and kinky club in the area. We will explain the differences between "Paerchenclub," "Swing Club," and "Party Club." We will also touch on a German oddity: "Parkplatzsex." Swinging in parking lots.
Then on to Berlin! This is (again) Germany’s happening place. We will visit Germany’s fanciest swing club , where couples arrive in sumptuous evening attire, which they will shed later to fuck their brains out. We will visit Europe’s best BDSM club , and we will finally party into the late hours of the morning in what must be the kinkiest disco of the universe.
We might hit some other places, but those above are a must. We’ve been to all of them, many times, but we want to bring you the freshest and latest research. And we want to fuck a bit in the name of scientific and thorough research. We won't write without dipping into the ink!
Holland is one of the most liberal countries in Europe (also when it comes to traffic tickets, which they dole out in liberal amounts …) Holland’s swing clubs are legend. We will revisit a castle just across the border to Germany and then move on to what many call Europe’s best swing club. Again, we might hit other places in Holland. Say cheese!
We’ll visit friends (she Japanese, he French) who organize Paris’s fanciest couple parties. Then we will travel to the South of France, where swing clubs are part of the breathtaking landscape. At the Côte d'Azur, every small town seems to have a swing club. There is even a swing resort the size of a small town.
As Fever Parties puts it succinctly: "No swinger should die without experiencing Cap D'Agde. Tens of thousands of sexual adventurers migrate there from all over Europe every summer for wonderful weeks of sunbathing and sex. There is nowhere like it in the world, by day a naked city focussed on a fantasic beach, by night a constellation of swinging clubs thronged by cosmopolitan libertines."
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Swinging Beijing. Swinging Beijing?
Review By ThisReporter
Beijing has 15 million people officially. Beijing has 25 million people unofficially. Beijing has 9 million bicycles according to Katie Melua’s new hot song. All these statistics are so badly flawed like they can only be flawed in China. Here, you should not trust any official or unofficial number.
But one statistic you can trust: There is no swing club in Beijing. Neither officially. Nor unofficially. There isn’t even a strip club.
It doesn’t mean that Beijing is prude. Quite the contrary is true. Sex is as available in Beijing as Chinese food. Sex for eat-in, sex for take-out, sex for home delivery. There are even restaurants where you get a massage when you pay the bill. There are neighborhoods where every barbershop routinely relieves you of excess hair and of undue tension in your male organ. No hotel bar is complete without a complement of willing females. And if you forgot, there is a card on the nightstand that reminds you of massage services. For a tip with happy ending. If you think that at the many foot massage establishments only feet get massaged, think again.
According to a study published by the US Embassy to China (your tax dollars at work ... imagine the research) they estimate "that Beijing has at least 200,000 - 300,000 prostitutes." What's more ,"the contribution of the 'sex industry' to the GDP comes in at about 12.1 - 12.8 percent," the study claims. In case you want to get in on the booming business, the embassy links to an excerpt of Pan Suiming's book "Red Light District," published at the UN China website. This book is a proverbial business manual to setting up a sex business in China.
You can rent a girl by the hour, for the night, for a day, or for the length of your stay. The savvy businessman hires an “assistant” for a week or two, she provides sexual favors and if she’s really good, then she can provide secretarial services, or tell the taxi driver where to go.
Too find such an assistant, a newcomer to China might be tempted to enlist the services of an agency such as FunInChina. They offer to hook you up with what they call an "International Private Assistant," and they do it with a wink and a nod. But buyer beware: We've heard from customers who had hired such an "International Private Assistant" at the already steep daily rate of $200, ostensibly (wink, wink) as a "city guide."
Then they were shown the city.
For the frequent and better educated traveller to China, there is an option that is growing in popularity: A girlfriend on a long-term lease. A commitment of $200 to $300 a month goes a long way in China, especially if the lady lives in the provinces. On arrival, a true girlfriend experience awaits the traveler. Quite possibly, the cost for a hotel can also be saved in the bargain. If the girl is smart (and they are,) she runs a little time-share operation with two or three other repeats. As long as scheduling conflicts can be avoided, everybody can be very, very happy. That includes Western Union, who's doing a booming business with three figure amounts wired monthly to China.
A working girl in China is colloquially called a chicken, or “Ji” in Mandarin, which can also mean “airplane.” The stretch of the Third Ring Road from the China World Trade Center to the Hilton, nearly halfway around Beijing, is so packed with chickens, or airplanes for that matter, that natives now call it “the runway.”
For the more discerning tastes, female companionship is obtained in two distinctly different ways in Beijing. Call it the cultural divide of retail sex.
The Chinese male invites his friends and compatriots to a Karaoke bar, or “KTV.” Picture them as huge multistory buildings, richly adorned with neon in all colors of the spectrum. You will be greeted by two rows of beautiful ladies on both sides of the entrance, which are only there to make you feel welcome. You rent a Karaoke room which can set you back 1300 Yuan, more or less depending on the locality. You settle down.
Then, a long row of women is trotted in by the Mama San for your inspection. They file out. A new group is trotted in by the Mama San for your inspection. They file out. And the process repeats until all available females have been shown. Your job is to pick the most suitable one. To the western guest, this can be daunting, because at first glance, they all will look the same to you. If you say: “Get me that little black haired girl,” you may get 50. Once chosen, they will sit with you, play dice, maybe even sing a song, and for an extra charge, you take them home.
Western Style: Yes, Mongolia is in the West.
The Lao Wei (Long Nose) western male, will, after some false starts, go to a number of bars that provide drinks and females to the expat community.
The most notorious, and most reliable club is Maggie’s in the embassy district. Maggie’s also serves as the informal Mongolian Embassy, because each evening, the place is packed with ladies from Ulan Bator and vicinity. They are taller, sturdier, and usually have larger chests than their Chinese counterparts. Mongolians are horse people, they all ride very well.
Those in the know will show up at Maggie’s at around 11:30 pm, because this is when the main wave of the Mongolian Embassy staff arrives. The better looking ones can be picked out quite quickly. There is another school of thought that prefers Maggie’s at 2pm, because when you take a female ambassador of Mongolia home at that late time, chances are that you can keep her the whole night for the same charge as earlier birds would pay for the usual hour or two. The current tariff is 800 Yuan, or $100. Oddly, most collect only after the deed is done.
There is another interesting trait of the Mongolian maidens: Most speak English. At least at a basic level. Which you cannot universally expect from their Chinese colleagues. So if you want to engage in a little pillow talk instead of using hand signals, think M&M: Maggie’s & Mongolians.
Last summer, Maggie’s moved from their old place near the Worker’s Stadium to their new digs at embassy row. If you want to sound like an old-timer, then drop a remark like “Old Maggie’s was somehow nicer, I don’t know why.” The guy next to you will nod and mumble: “Yes, and the girls were prettier.”
Which is as true as Chinese statistics.
Maggie’s has a sister establishment behind the Hilton, formerly called “Maggie 2,” now officially named “Bar One.” But you’d out yourself as a newbie if you’d use that name. Call it “Hilton Maggie’s” and everybody will know. The girls there usually are a bit younger, a bit prettier, and slightly pricier than at main Maggie’s. They are mostly Chinese, and they go home earlier. The Manager is blazingly gay, always a good idea in establishments like that. Keeps the management from eating the merchandise.
In both places, by the way, are "drinking girls" and "working gils." After a while, you will get a feel for it. Signs (vaguelly reliable:) Drinking girls sit by the bar, working girls stand by the wall or play pool. Drinking girls say : "Buy me a drink?" Working girls say: "Stay in a hotel?" At Maggie's, drinking girls are usually Chinese, working girls are usually Mongolian. If you can't tell the difference, then you must pay the price and take your chances. If a drinking girl is through with you, you won't be much up for sex anyhow.
The other stable establishments are The Hard Rock Cafe near Lufthansa Center, and The Den next to the City Hotel. Others come and go. The Pig and Thistle English Pub at the Beijing Holiday Inn, for instance, is sometimes open, sometimes closed.
For more adventurous souls, there is Banana, a loud disco. Hang out in the balcony area to the right of the entrance, and soon you will have girls smiling at you. They like you both, you and your wallet.
Due to the enormous decibel levels at Banana, and not only because of that, negotiations can get a bit strenuous.
ThisReporter has it on good authority that several customers ended up with a deaf lady, a fact that didn't become apparent until they reached the hotel room. It could not be independently ascertained whether the trollop had lost her hearing at Banana (always a possibility,) or whether she was simply genetically fine-tuned to the high-volume work environment.
And if you are a true pervert and lust for Soviet-style entertainment, head on over to a club in the embassy district which is nearly exclusively staffed with Russian females, and which has an atmosphere that reminds you of the Khrushchev era. The place is oddly called “Hollywood,” a badly executed attempt to copy the “Planet Hollywood” concept. While “Planet Hollywood” has failed, Soviet-style Hollywood is alive in Beijing, especially between 8 and 10pm.
Sex as MLM.
After a while in the city, you will get the impression that just about any female of marketable age and looks is somehow connected with the business, or “in the field.” To say it with the words of Kris Kristofferson, it’s “a walking contradiction, partly truth, and partly fiction.” In a city where the average secretary takes home $200 a month, there is ample encouragement to make the same in a night or two. And there is even more encouragement to maximize the returns: A girl works for a Mama San, while building her own ring of girls, who themselves build their own rings of girls, who themselves ... Sex as multi level marketing.
The long and short of it is that sex is plenty and readily available in Beijing.
As long as you are a guy and as long as you want a girl for nothing but nookie, Beijing is the city to be. After all, the official abbreviation for Beijing is “BJ,” and the city will live up to it.
But please: No deviations! They drive like mad in China, all over the place, but sexually, the middle of the road is the preferred place to be.
Getting into the Swing.
Swinging however is definitely not regarded as part of the mainstream. It's not that there's no swinging in Beijing. It's somewhere. Like so many things in Beijing, it's somewhere underground.
Stories abound in Beijing, tales of private couple parties someone had somewhere according to somebody who had heard something.
The stories are probably true.
Like there are no strip clubs, there are stories of the occasional by-invitation-only strip party. Like the one at The Loft, where beauties stripped down to a rope across their small breasts - the Beijing equivalent of a pastie.
Like there are no BDSM clubs, there are stories of the occasional BDSM party. The basement of a Bar/Restaurant aptly, but innocently named Doodoo’s (across from main Maggie’s,) sports a cage. The wax on the walls ain't leftovers from the Christmas decoration.
But why the secrecy?
For one, there is a law in China that prohibits "hooliganism." Chinese hooliganism has nothing to do with violence in a soccer stadium. Well, if they wanted to, it could. "Hooliganism" is a catch-all crime that prohibits anything the powers deem objectionable at that very moment. Call it intentional ambiguity, the fine art of keeping people guessing. Is bartering your partner hooliganism? Who knows.
Meeting another couple in Beijing is a complicated exercise that requires much time and effort. In this day and age, initial contact is usually made on-line. China is very connected, and electronic dating portals such as AFF or Passion are full with couples seeking same.
Yet the bullshit factor is very high in China's capital. What you see on-line is rarely what you get. Making contact with another couple involves lengthy chats, emails to throwaway accounts, text messages to prepaid phones, it involves getting references, and maybe a meeting at a local Starbucks, where the “chemistry” is being tested. In 9.9 out of 10 cases, this is where it ends.
A successful encounter with another couple is like finding a diamond: You have to shovel through a lot of dirt to find one. And beware, you are in the land of counterfeit, so the couple may be as real as the Gucci bag purchased at the Yashow market.
According to informed sources, swinging has been imported to China from morally depraved continents such as America and Europe. Swinging is very much en vogue amongst “mixed” couples, he the Caucasian male, she the Chinese female. The successful Chinese male swings differently: He keeps three or four mistresses. And the married Chinese female knows and could care less.
Bring your condoms, especially if you are endowed. One size is supposed to fit all in China, and they are a little bit smaller. Sex practicioners often do not bring protection. Mongolian sexworkers trend to come with condoms made in Russia.
If you have a GSM mobile phone, buy a Chinese prepaid SIM card. They are obscenely cheap, protect you from ludicrous roaming charges and get you a number in China. Justabout every girl you meet will want to leave you her number. And she'll take yours.
Erectile medications are readily available in China.. Of course not officially without a prescription. But beware of counterfeit pills when you buy them at the store.
Only in China ...
... will you find an escort site where one of their not so fair maidens (EscortID 151, Nickname "Tianjiao") advertises her services suchly: "Although I want to enter into my sex life, I still have kept my intact cherry well and never contribute it to a guy who I do not love. I must contribute it to a man who I love in the future." Restorative services for said cherry are a booming business in China. According to my usually well informed sources, a popped cherry can be fixed by a skilled suregon for prices as low as $100 . At the time of this writing, the market value of a poppable cherry was quoted to me at $2000 per pop. A nice mark-up!
Mandarin for Swingers.
Ni zhen hao. You are so nice.
Xie xie. Thank you.
Bu kequi. You are welcome.
Ni zhen piao liang. You are beautiful.
Wo yao zuo ai. I want to make love.
Duo shao qian. How much does it cost?
Mo mo wo. Touch me.
Wo jing chang lai. I come here often.
Gan jue hao ma? Does this feel good?
Wo Men Qu Gou Wu Ba. Lets go shopping.
Ni Xi Huan Zuan Shi Ma? Do you like Diamonds?
Ni jie yi wo xian zai li kai ma? Would you mind if I leave now?
Zaijian. Good bye.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Tokyo: Rost in Tlansration
Tokyo, the city of lights, the city of earthquakebags next to the futon on the floor. The city of the most diverse perversions on this planet, and yet the city where videographic geniatlia must be pixelated by law.
I've come back to this city many times since summer of 2004.
I am attracted to this city by a woman who had knocked on my door, and then proceeded to knock me off my feet.
It's the woman I married exactly two years later, to the date.
Claiming to be my slave, this woman trained me to be her master, she formed this erstwhile business man into a sex fiend who's pleasures she claims to serve. Since that night in August 2004, she took me on a merciless tour through the sex establishments of this world.
This stereotype is true: They have a problem with L and R.
This stereotype is utterly false: They are demure and shy, and going to whorehouses, soaplands and hostess bars is the sole preoccupation of their males. Wrong, boys, wrong.
These are some Tokyo impressions.
Note 2/19/07: Tokyo's swing scene is in a state of turmoil. Even Tokyo's most notorious private party ceased partying. Many clubs closed by the end of the year, some reopened under new names. It will take a whole new research effort, and we'll do it! On top of it, the Tokyo section of this blog was munched by the transfer to the new Google blogger. This is restored from a backup without the pictures and links. Will be fixed.
If you are in for
all-out sex: Le Grand Bleu
We have been at
Le Grand Bleu many times. The club is located just a stone throw
away from the east gate of the
Seibu Shinjuku Station. The
map on their website gives you a good idea where it is.
The club is
actually two clubs.
On the 5th floor is the LGB “Happening Bar” – single
guys allowed for the usual hefty premium … pricing on their website.
the 6th floor is the LGB “Couple Kissa” – couples only. Access is granted to
couples for a surcharge over the 5th floor fee.
The door is opened by a lady or a gentleman.
The lady speaks no English, the gentleman speaks enough to get a non-nihongo
speaker through the preliminaries.
There is no membership card. As you
enter, you will be asked whether you have been there before. If you say “no,”
there will be some minor paperwork. If you say “yes,” you’ll be asked when
you've been there last. If you answer convincingly enough, you are
The club is friendly to mixed couples like us, and it has become a
favorite spot in Tokyo’s “mixed” scene. We have also spotted the occasional
unaccompanied Caucasian male. The fact that LGB has an English website attests
to their f2f, friendliness to foreigners.
As far as the action goes, it
depends on the time of the day, the day of the week, and the luck of the draw.
We’ve seen times where the place had just one other couple and about 10 horny
single guys who would crowd around you if you’d just kiss your partner. And
we’ve seen other times when the place was humming, and where I couldn’t reach
the bathroom without having received three blowjobs from enthusiastic Japanese
females who were sitting next to their stonefaced husbands. Your mileage may
At the time of this writing, there wasn’t much enforcement of
rules, which can make other Tokyo swing clubs such a drag. We had full scale sex
right at the bar of the Happening Bar. On occasion. I stripped my partner
totally naked to the delight of the assemblage of salary men, and there was no
managerial interference. The single guys will crowd around you, but they were
reasonably well behaved and responded to “you can look, but not touch.” If you
and/or your partner like a little exposure play, then the 5th floor at LGB will
be a nice starting point.
For the aforementioned surcharge – if you are a
couple - you are admitted to the 6th floor. There, you strip naked, shower, don
a white bathrobe and sit with other similarly adorned couples in a lounge
Off the lounge area are three nice playrooms, where, on a good day,
the action can become quite interesting. If you insist on having sex right in
the lounge area, nobody will stop you either. In our view, out of all Tokyo
swing clubs we have visited, LGB is the best if you are out for all-out
We had enjoyable sex with several all Japanese couples, despite the
fact that this reporter’s nihongo is nonexistent, and also despite the fact that
this reporter’s tool is good-sized. According to lore, a western Dick prompts
the Japanese Harry to collect his female and to flee, but we’ve not seen a lot
of this at LGB. Yet, the best advice we can give to any non-Japanese swinging
couple in Tokyo: Take another couple along. “We are the party” and all that.
Before you know it, you will find Japanese couples who join in for a long night
of juicy fun.
On this reporter’s Richter Scale, LGB registered a
Magnitude 8, “great earthquake, great destruction.”
(Note: At our last visit to LGB, single
gents were admitted to the upper floor. The Canadian Couple that accompanied us
quipped: "We felt like having sex in front of a bunch of baboons." We were
assured that this practice will not continue. Should it continue, then LGB will
be left to the baboons and avoided.)
(Update: According to a usually reliable source LGB was raided by police September 8th. 11 people were busted for public indecency. Among the 11, three were gaijin guys, and one gaijin guy's name was on both major newspaper and TV news. There goes the neighborhood.)
(Update: LGB officially closed its doors
Dec 30, 2006. After its sharp decline in recent months, it won't be missed -
expect for the good old days. There are rumors about a new place called "Silk."
Apparently by the old owners. In the old location? In a new location? Time will
Swinging in style:
We have been at
Kagi is to sex what Starbucks is to coffee: Nice atmosphere,
and they are everywhere! Any self-respecting Japanese Metropolis has a Kagi,
Kagis dot Japan from Fukuoku to Sapporo. Kagi is a membership bar, once you have
received your Kagi Kard, it will gain you entrance to the many other Kagis all
over the country.
We were at the Roppongi Kagi, their website (in English
also, always a good sign of being f2f, friendly to foreigners) gives clear
directions. Often, you can find a coupon at the website that gives you a
discount on the membership fee, which is clearly outlined on the website. There
even is one of those ever-so-popular-in-Japan QR codes, which allows you to
kagify your cellphone in a flash.
"Kagi" means "key" in Japanese. Armed with
that piece of trivia, you are better equipped to appreciate
sentences in their ad copy
that go like "Open the door for another world. The key is yourself
If you are reasonable well attired and
equipped with ID, you should have no problem getting accredited at Kagi. Couples
are as welcome as single gents, and of course single ladies.
expect sleaze, you are in the wrong place at Kagi. Kagi is swinging in style.
The interieur could be in any better 5star hotel bar, and it is quite funny
observing a bevy of black tuxedoed waiters rushing about between kopulating kagi
Engaging in overt sex in the bar area was discouraged in a
pleasantly nice way, we were guided to a large playroom, where couples sat in
various forms of undress on the trademark red Kagi kouches. As new guests enter,
the tuxedoed waiters produce additional kagi kouches with as much flair as you
would expect in better restaurants in Rome or Paris.
Kagi is one of the
few swing places that can be recommended to a single lady. We have seen groups
of single ladies who were quite evidently there to enjoy the company of each
other only, and who had no interest in testosterone-driven fun. Kagi personnel
discreetly saw to it that the same-sex-interested ladies were left untouched,
but definitely not unseen by the male clientele.
From a sex standpoint,
Kagi seems to be more for the beginner, and less so for the hard core swinging
crowd. At Kagi, you are there to be seen, less to do the full monte
However, when we hit Kagi with a group of friends, we proceeded to
put cuffs on two of our females and hoisted them to the ceiling, while the rest
of the group performed acts of penetration in a ring around the strung-up
ladies. Additional kagi kouches materialized within seconds, and a nice evening
was had by all. As long as you do it elegantly, you can do it at
On this reporter’s Richter Scale, Kagi registered a Magnitude
5: “Felt widely, slight damage near epicenter.”
as a tax audit: Cultrure
We have been at
once, and will be never again. The initial contact was quite interesting, right
out of a Tom Clancey novel. Getting to Cultrure was more complicated than making
contact with a foreign agent at the height of the cold war. We found their
which only gave away that they are in the “Shinjuku area.”
Other called, and we were directed to proceed to
Akebonobashi station and to call again. Then we were directed to a few
blocks down the road and to call again. Then we were directed to the front of a
cylindrical apartment tower and to call again. Then we were given a three digit
number, which we entered into a keypad. Silently, a door opened. Another keypad,
same number. An elevator. Finally, we arrived on premises of Cultrure, which is
on the sixth floor of an upscale apartment tower. We were hushed up and rushed
in, apparently in an effort to deny the neighbors knowledge of the club’s
existence. The living room is the communal area, the master bedroom is the
playroom, the kids room is storage and office.
As reported by
Mr. Anonymous, its “Culture with an R” – Cultrure. You’ve read
right, but my spell checker hates it.
After having entered, we received a
formal brief of what to do and what not to do, several laminated pages long. Not
speaking any nihongo, I have no idea what the rules are, but I nonetheless
muttered assent. We paid what I believe was 12,000 Y, which covered a one-time
membership fee and the access charge. Amazingly, no vital records were taken,
and not identity cards were demanded.
The rest was utterly boring, and
making many words about it would make it even more boring. The erstwhile living
room was packed with freshly showered couples in white bathrobes. Everybody
stared at a TV set. Rightly so, because the silly gameshow definitely was the
most interesting thing going that night at Cultrure. Nothing, nada, absolutely
nanimo was going on.
Well, stop. There was an activity. Couples were
playing with a banana. But it's not the "just happy to see me" type of banana
made famous by Mae West, or the type that's bothering me on long flights with my
Nippopnese Other next to me. It's Cultrure's trademark stuffed banana that is
being fondled by bored couples in lieu of more delicious fruit
effort to liven up the dreadful atmosphere, I touched my Nipponese Other’s
breast. This resulted in a raised eyebrow of the host. Undeterred, I uncovered
her beautiful upper body. Wrong move! The host came over, and covered her
We went to the playroom. Other couples entered, saw that they are
not alone, muttered words to the effect of “excuse me,” and fled. One male bowed
three times while retreating. To my embarrassment, I could not bow back because
I was being administered a blowjob by my partner at the time.
falling asleep ourselves from total boredom, we decided to evacuate Cultrure and
never to come back again. A tax audit would be more interesting than this night
at Culture. At least a tax audit provides a suspense factor.
reporter’s Richter Scale, Cultrure with an R registered a Magnitude 2, “recorded
on local seismographs, but generally not felt.”
The only bright
spot: The visit at Cultrure put us in possession of a card. Which also got us
Beauty & Beast, a notoriously hard-to-get into fetish club. In our
view, that alone was well worth the money and the time wasted at Cultrure. We
headed right over to Beauty & Beast. See separate report. (Sidenote: The
good folks at Cultrure mumbled something about this accreditation scheme to be
changing in the new year, but the even better folks at B&B had not yet
(Update: Cultrure is closed. No big
get in, hard to get out: Beauty & Beast
had tried to get into
Beauty & Beast several times. We did not pass the strict selection
process, which heightened our perverse desires to penetrate the gates of hell.
We finally made it via a dreadful detour through
(see separate report.) Getting into Beauty & Beast can be as hard, and as
much of a rush as joining the SEALs, the SAS, or similar elite fighting forces
of this universe. Or it can be as boring as a night at Cultrure.
either get into B&B by recommendation of a current B&B member. In that
case, significant paperwork is involved, and positive proof of identity and
address is required. A non-resident foreigner will have a very hard time getting
into B&B. You will be shown the rules, which are read aloud, you will sign
disclaimers, waivers, and consent forms. And only then you can take off your
shoes, pay your dues, and enjoy the Beauty and the Beast.
Or you go the
Cultrure route, sit through a dreadful night as a rite of passage, and then head
on over to B&B, where they happily exchanged our Cultrure card for the much
desired B&B ID, which we will covet from here to eternity or expiration,
whichever comes first.
B&B is not for the faint of heart. If you are
into “vanilla” erotica, then you are better served by other establishments,
which the Shinjuku area offers in abundance. B&B is one of the finer BDSM
establishments of this world. If ropes, pulleys, whips and cuffs add to your
arousal, then B&B is definitely for you.
Picture B&B as
“Pulp Fiction,” shown on the large screen of a Country & Western
Saloon gone very, very, utterly bad: Raunchy, loud, wild, with the occasional
guest flung through the air or hanging from the ceiling.
lockers (for a refundable Y 1000 key fee) and nice showers. For cosplay addicts,
there are racks of costumes. Be advised that the size selection skews to an
Asian clientele. We entered B&B with a statuesque female with DDD-sized
breasts, and she could not find anything she would not have immediately
destroyed. We decided to bring her to the happening bar in the complete nude,
which had quite a shock value for the assembled B&B guests, who thought they
had seen everything.
A quarter of the main area is occupied by a huge
cage, which is the center of amusement that centers around pain, punishment, and
humiliation. There is a wide selection of BDSM furniture, the requisite X-cross,
and an eclectic selection of whips, paddles, and floggers. B&B management
definitely goes to great pains to satisfy the most discriminating bad
Like any Happening Bar, B&B accepts customers of the coupled
or single persuasion. In the back, there is a play area for couples only, in
which both eccentric as well as conventional acts of sex are performed. Offering
one’s partner to others is known to arouse the dominant type. It also can
humiliate, and therefore arouse the submissive type. The net result is that
plenty partners are offered at Beauty & Beast.
B&B is a swing
club of many dimensions. There are swinging couples, bodies swinging from the
ceiling, swinging dicks, and whips being swung through the air with that
While other Nipponese clubs are known for their shy and
reserved customers, B&B is quite the opposite: Black clad masters take
delight in exposing the beauty of their willing slaves. Sexy subs enjoy visual
and manual examination. You will find elite members of Japan Inc., wearing
diapers. At B&B, usually demure Japanese housewives slip into the role of
the dominatrix, and act out their deepest darkest desires: beat the living
daylight out of their guy.
Shibari, the Japanese form of artful bondage,
is widely practiced at B&B. If you want to learn the ropes, you will find a
shibari master who will tie you up in intricate rope patterns, and who will
hoist you to the ceiling with rope and tackle provided by B&B free of
And while having a larger caliber tool supposedly intimidates the
average couple in the average Japanese swing establishment, at B&B it will
earn you the appreciation and admiration of males and females alike. Take
whatever and whomever you want.
Their website is in Japanese only. But
don’t think this is a sign of uf2f , of being unfriendly to foreigners. On
several occasions, ThisReporter was the only
roundeye in the boisterous crowd, and nonetheless I felt right at home in this
If you like to walk on the wild side, if your desires are
kinky, if your favorite color is black, and if your favorite clothes are made
from leather or rubber, then B&B definitely is the place to be when in
Tokyo. For any aspiring goshujin-sama, for any delightful dorei, a trip to, or a
life in Tokyo is incomplete without a large dose of Beauty &
On this admittedly biased reporter’s Richter Scale, Beauty
& Beast registered a Magnitude 9: “Rare great earthquake, major damage over
a large region.”
Sleeping Beauty is another Tokyo establishment belonging to the same
empire that also owns the sordid
and the highly interesting
Beauty & Beast. The happening bar is situated in
Shibuya’s Love Hotel District .
Sleeping Beauty is the usual Happening Bar
/ Couple Kissa combo so much en vogue in Tokyo and the rest of the world: Single
patrons are admitted at stiff prices, couples may join at lower rates. The
expectation is that couples engage in some foreplay at the bar or in other
communal areas, while providing visual entertainment to the single men.
Appropriately aroused, couples then may retreat to “couples only” areas, and the
singles are left to their own devices.
To enter Sleeping Beauty, first
time patrons must do the usual paperwork, pay their membership fee. Paperwork
completed, they get handed a slightly oversized card that doesn’t fit into the
standard credit card sized compartments. Minimal personal documentation is
required, but bring some ID. No gaijin card demanded.
Sleeping Beauty is
a multi-level affair in many aspects. For one, it stretches over 4 floors,
connected by steep stairs so common in Tokyo (and Amsterdam, for that
The first floor houses the reception area, the locker room, an
eating area right next to the area where the shoes go into shoe safes, and an
odd spartan bunk room, apparently to accommodate guests who missed the last
One level down is the bar, and an assortment of themed corners: A
jail with ropes and pulleys for the shibari-minded. There are other mildly BDSM-
styled corners. And then there is the corner that made Sleeping Beauty famous: A
replica of a Tokyo subway car, where aspiring chikans (subway perverts) can rub
their bodies against female passengers.
On the second floor is a
“European Style” SM room and a traditional style Japanese room with tatami mats,
for people who are into Madam Butterfly. Couples can enter a couple area where
they can couple. That area actually is pretty nice, all covered with faux
leather that should be easy to clean. It felt somewhat more sanitary that the
fabric covers common in playrooms all over the rest of the world.
mirrors on the wall have a certain one-way feel to them, and the impression is
not false: For the equivalent of $10, guests may peek at coupling couples for 10
Another floor upstairs is a private studio that can be rented by
the hour or for the night, again at an extra charge.
“Extra Charge” might
as well be the theme song for the Sleeping Beauty. Everywhere are little
placards that carry pricing information, surcharges, or percentages off,. On
certain days drinks are free, on other days they cost. Food can be bought, and
the list goes on. Visitors to the Sleeping Beauty better bring a calculator and
We visited the Sleeping Beauty on a usually slow Wednesday, and
found the place busier than some places on a Friday night. The patrons were
mostly youngish, all were Japanese. After the usual shyness and giggling were
overcome, there was some swinging at a beginner-to-intermediate level.
left the Sleeping Beauty, deciding that we would come back on a Friday or
Saturday. The earthquake rating will be withheld until we have checked the place
on a busier day.
Tokyo Things To
are some places in Tokyo that are quite possibly worthwhile to go to, to get
into, and to check out. So much to do, so little
School for girls with a twist:
Shinjuku is a place where you, if their website can be believed, can bring your
beloved wife. And they will train her to be your subservient slave. Three to
twentyfour hour courses are available. They even list
along with intimate details (how tight, how wet, etc. ) of their
For those who claim to read Playboy because of their interviews:
Check out the vast collection of Japanese art on Oriental’s
The Doctor is in: For more than 28
years, Dr. Arai has operated
a clinic in Toshima
women are transformed into sexy vixens, using special massage techniques
developed by the good doctor. Basically, your mate will be receiving a highly
scientific handjob. Similar hands-on services are available for couples (female
receives massage, male watches, and after the handjob is administered, the
practitioner leaves the rest to the adoring husband.) Recently, a service for
male clientele was added also. It would be interesting to find out how the
latter survives in the highly competitive Tokyo market for manual release
Sexy seniors: We’ve all heard that
Japan's population is rapidly maturing. People are getting older, and the young
don’t make enough babies. Swinging seniors have been identified as a growth
segment. Seniors are already served by institutions such as
Gotanda, Angel in
Ueno, Oasis in
and many more. Gerontophiles from other parts of this world will most likely be
disapponted, because the true connoiseur knows that nothing ages better than an
expensive Chateauneuf du Pape, and a properly maintained Japanese
No frills Shabu-Shabu: According to
well-informed sources, there used to be a restaurant, where
Shabu-Shabu was served by
waitresses wearing no panties. The floor was mirrored, to give the customer a
better view. Any information that leads to a successful visit of such an
establishment would be highly appreciated.
gone: According to recent estimates, there are more than 50
establishments in the greater Tokyo market that cater to a swinging crowd. Every
bubble will burst at some time, and more and more swing clubs are going out to
pasture, or the bamboo grass, as they say in Japan.
A growing list for formerly swinging enterprises
maintained to preserve the past.
Nihongo for Swingers.
Watashi wa pussy ga suki. Miko wa. I like pussy. How
about you, Miko?
Motto, motto! More, more!
Ikasete! Make me come!
Totemo oishikatta desu. This was very
Shawa wa doko desu ka. Where is the shower?
Go-kyodai wa. Do you have any siblings?